SANTA CLAUS: WHO IS HE? DOES HE MATTER? AND IF SO, WHY NOT?
by S. Dictionary
Santa Claus is one of the most famous IFOs (identified flying objects) in history. The hirsute gift giver with the levitating reindeer has had more sightings than all UFO, Bigfoot, and Virgin Mary sightings combined. The innocent and pure witnesses to the jolly one decked out in sartorial crimson flailing away at his flying reindeer are legion. Who can mistrust a child, much less billions of children?
Surely these witnesses are reliable. There is no proof that they are suffering from any mental derangement. They have no motive for lying. The only plausible explanation for these sightings is that they are genuine. There is no reason to think that all these witnesses are confabulating. If there is nothing to this belief, then why do so many people believe it? There is no way this could be an example of communal reinforcement of a false idea or delusion. This must be a genuine vision.
Cynical skeptics note that the belief in the Christmas gift giver requires acceptance of the hypothesis that in a single evening the infrequent flyer visits all the homes in America and the homes of Americans everywhere else on Earth. Even if the speedy one spent a single second at each home and took no time to travel between homes, it would take him several years to complete his rounds.
Obviously, a miracle happens every Christmas! That is the only logical explanation for flying reindeer traveling at tachyonic speed carrying hundreds of thousands of pounds of weightless presents. That is the only logical explanation. What else could it be? Then, again maybe Santa uses alien technology and is light years ahead of the curve.
Then again, maybe it can all be explained by quantum mechanics or string theory. A bit of quantum tunneling here, some bilocality there, entanglement in eleven dimensions … some energized carbon (12 parts), hydrogen (22 parts), and oxygen (11 parts) added to some C. verum and fruit of Myristica.
and a skeptic hug for me?